Welcome to the Home of Happiness

Welcome to my website. I hope you’ll find plenty here to help you get the most out of your life. I’m the author of more than 30 books including How To Be Happier, Have Great Sex, Transform Your Life With NLP, Get Intimate With Tantric Sex, Help Yourself To Live Longer and the ebook Secrets Of The Kama Sutra.

Demi Moore, Happiness And Exercise

October 5, 2011 in Happiness, Welcome to the Home of Happiness by Paul Jenner | No comments

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I see that Sunday Times columnist India Knight is advising Demi Moore (and anyone else of a like mind, presumably) to cut back on the exercise and use the time ‘pottering about in tracksuit bottoms’. The reason for the advice is that Demi (48) has, apparently, broken up with her somewhat younger partner Ashton Kutcher (33). As India sees it, Demi can now breathe a sigh of relief and let herself go.

I’m constantly baffled that so many people view exercise as a kind of torture. There are quite a lot of people (and I’m one) who actually enjoy exercise. Nor do I comprehend this idea that letting yourself go is somehow the path to happiness. In fact, the precise opposite is the case. Exercise boosts the body’s ‘happiness chemicals’. It also boosts sex drive and helps maintain capability. According to a survey released this week, almost half of men in England are dissatisfied with their sex lives. If they and their partners (those that have them) were to exercise a little more, they’d find it did wonders for their sex lives and their relationships. Not many men realise that a paunch is actually a kind of anti-sex factory, converting the ‘male’ hormone testosterone into the ‘female’ hormone oestrogen. I give full details of all this in my book Have Great Sex, but the main things to keep in mind are that you need to exercise vigorously for at least 20 minutes three times a week, and that you need to keep your Body Mass Index (BMI) under 24.

Oh, and in my opinion tracksuit bottoms are about the most sexless garment ever invented. What garment is the biggest turn-off for you? Share your thoughts by clicking on Comments.

 

Sex As A Hobby

September 30, 2011 in Welcome to the Home of Happiness by Paul Jenner | No comments

Learning to surf at Capbreton

I’ve just come back from my first ever surfing holiday. It was an awesome experience. It also set me thinking about the different attitude most of us have to sex compared with just about any other activity. (Have you noticed how many sensual things begin with an ‘S’? Sex, obviously, but also sunbathing, sand, sea, sailing, surfing, snowboarding, skiing… )

For surfing I had a lesson, bought a book, bought a DVD, discussed equipment with the owner of the surf shop, chatted with experienced surfers, watched experienced surfers, and practised the key moves (like the ‘pop up’) again and again on dry land before trying the real thing. And I surfed every day except one when there was a storm. I didn’t wait until I felt desperate. I just did it.

That’s normal for a hobby so why isn’t it normal for sex? Why can’t we be just as open about this thing that just about everybody does? Why do so many wait until they’re ‘gagging for it’ to have sex? Why is it considered a bit kinky to buy sex books, watch sex films, buy sex toys, or discuss techniques with other people?

I think we should all treat sex more like a hobby. I’ll be continuing to practise the pop up even when there’s no surf. And I’ll be continuing to learn about and practise sex techniques, too.

If you’d like to discuss sex techniques with me and with readers of my blogs just say what you’re thinking in the Comments box. Go ahead. Why not! (You don’t have to give your name.)

Holotropic Breathwork

September 30, 2011 in Happiness, Welcome to the Home of Happiness by Paul Jenner | No comments

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My friend Guy James the singer/songwriter has been writing about his experience of holotropic breathwork. I haven’t tried it myself but given Guy’s very genuine enthusiasm I’m giving the link to his online article. Click on http://www.grof-holotropic-breathwork.net/group/gbd2011english and you’ll find it about half way down the online page. It’s very interesting in all sorts of ways and if you’re in pursuit of happiness it’s something you might like to consider. As I say, I haven’t tried it myself and I certainly don’t accept some of the claims made about it but it helps some people and it might help you. And if you’d like to hear Guy’s music it’s on: www.guyjames.com

Ex-Wife Compensated For Lack Of Sex

September 10, 2011 in Welcome to the Home of Happiness by Paul Jenner | No comments

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 I love this week’s news about the Frenchman ordered by a judge to pay his ex-wife10,000 euros (about £8,500) for not having had enough sex with her during 21 years of marriage. The judge reasoned that by getting married ‘couples agree to sharing their life and this clearly implies they will have sex with each other’. And I always thought getting married in France implied having sex with someone else. What will be next? Fines for poor technique? A compulsory bonking test and a licence? Speed cameras to monitor how long you spend over it? Of course I agree about the importance of sex in a relationship but I’m sure financial compensation is not the answer. And I wonder if any judge would dare to fine a woman if the roles were reversed.

The Kama Sutra Is Not Tantric Sex

September 3, 2011 in Tantric Sex, Welcome to the Home of Happiness by Paul Jenner | No comments

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Now that I’ve published Secrets Of The Kama Sutra as an ebook I’ve had a few emails from people confused about the Kama Sutra and Tantric Sex. Even some professional sex writers are confused. So let’s be clear. The Kama Sutra is not about Tantric Sex.

Here’s the difference:

  • ·         In the Kama Sutra, sex is for pleasure.
  • ·         In Tantra, sex is for spiritual experience.

This is a big difference. So why the confusion? A little of the history of Tantric sex will make everything clearer. Back in the early days, some Tantrikas (it’s important to stress ‘some’) used the energy generated in sexualised group rituals to gain siddhis (magical powers) and enlightenment. Well, that’s what they hoped. Every woman who took part became a goddess for the duration of the ceremony and every man became a god. So it wasn’t important who you had sex with. It was the spiritual experience that was important.

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Sex For Beginners

September 3, 2011 in Sex For Beginners, Welcome to the Home of Happiness by Paul Jenner | No comments

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I’ve decided to add a ‘Sex For Beginners’ section to my website because after talking to a group of teenagers recently I was surprised by many of their questions. They just weren’t the kinds of things I was expecting, nor the kinds of things I would have written about. So I’d like you ‘beginners’ to send me your questions and I’ll answer as many as I can in my blogs. That way, I’ll be writing about the things you want to know, rather than the things I think you ought to know.

One of the things we discussed was the ‘purity ring’. There were two points I made:

  • ·         A ‘purity ring’ should not be instead of sex education, as many parents seem to wish. The evidence is that many young women do eventually have sex despite their ‘purity rings’ and that a proportion of them do become pregnant or contract STDs. So it should be ‘purity ring’ and sex education. In any event, young women who defer sex until after marriage still need sex education.
  • ·         My other point is that I’m against the name ‘purity ring’. Calling it the ‘purity ring’ suggests that to refrain from sex is ‘pure’ and that to have sex is ‘impure’. That’s very wrong. It can take years to overcome the inhibitions caused by that kind of teaching and some people never ever manage it. Contrast that sort of thinking with Tantra, which teaches that, far from being in opposition to spirituality, sex can be a path to enlightenment. If you’d like to know more about Tantric Sex, click on the button.

So why not just call it the ‘deferment ring’ or the ‘not until married’ ring? Other suggestions, please.

Sex Tips Please, Lachlan, Bob, Emma Et Al

August 17, 2011 in Welcome to the Home of Happiness by Paul Jenner | No comments

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Sex Tips Please, Lachlan, Bob, Emma Et Al

The artist Tracey Emin has told me that her favourite sex position is ‘face in pillow, bum in air’.  Well, she didn’t actually tell me personally. She told a journalist writing for the Sunday Times and the journalist told me. Well, the journalist didn’t actually tell me personally. She wrote it. But, anyway, it all comes down to the same thing. I know and you now know that Tracey Emin likes doggy or, as I call it in my book Have Great Sex, ‘cuddly bears’. (Some women object to the idea of having sex like a dog, which is why I renamed it and added a few refinements.)

Why should that be so unusual? After all, most adults have sex. And yet it is unusual. No one wants to say anything in case they’re thought weird. Basically, most people are very inhibited when it comes to sex.

The point of all this is that I’m just not getting enough feedback to my blogs. I know you’re out there Lachlan. You too, Bob. And Emma and Barbara and Erica. And all the rest of you. At the very least, you could just click on ‘Comment’ and say you think I’m writing rubbish. But it would be even better if you did a ‘Tracey Emin’. Say what’s your favourite sex position and I’ll compile a league table. (For the purposes of the exercise I’m considering a position to be the combined effort, rather than the individual posture of one or other of you.)

Or just share a sex tip with us. Recently I gave a lift to two women. To pass the time they asked what I do for a living and I explained that I write about sex. I could also have said I write about happiness but I enjoy the reaction when I say ‘sex’. Neither woman was at all inhibited. One of them then told me that when she was really excited she enjoyed having an ice cube slipped into her vagina. She said it facilitated an incredible orgasm.

Over to you.

Happiness Is The European Union

August 15, 2011 in Happiness, Welcome to the Home of Happiness by Paul Jenner | No comments

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Living here in Spain I’m part of the European dream which, sadly, seems in danger of falling apart. Almost everyone sees the European Union in economic terms. They only ask: Does it make me richer or does it make me poorer? Personally, I don’t give a damn for the economics. I care about being happy and the European Union makes me happy.

I was brought up in Southend-on-Sea, Essex, England. If I had to stay there I’d be very unhappy. But because of the European Union I can live just about anywhere I choose from the Arctic to the Mediterranean and from the Atlantic to the Black Sea. I can snowboard in the Alps and I can swim in the Aegean. Right now I’m living in Spain, with the Med half an hour away and the winter resorts of the Pyrenees two hours away. Maybe next year I’ll live in France. Who knows? I have the right. It’s the most fantastic thing.

As far as I’m concerned, the right to choose where you live is fundamental. If you don’t have that then you don’t have the right to choose your own lifestyle. And if you can’t choose your lifestyle you can’t be yourself and you can’t be happy.

Don’t let the dream die.

Gangs – My Life As A Gang Member

August 15, 2011 in Welcome to the Home of Happiness by Paul Jenner | No comments

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I confess that as a youth I was a member of a gang. My only excuse is that I was forced into it. I was made to wear a uniform and told to consider myself superior to members of other gangs. My gang was called Westcliff High School. The other big firm was Southend High School. When we met there was trouble.

Within my gang there was also a subculture. I was told I was in the Northside group. There were also Southside, Eastside and Westside groups. I was told that whenever we squared up – in rugby, cricket or whatever it might be – I was to do my best to pulverize the other group, even if I had friends in that group. And I had to blindly follow the instructions of the Northside leader, whether I agreed with them or not

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Kama Sutra Ebook Online Now

July 19, 2011 in Welcome to the Home of Happiness by Paul Jenner | No comments

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My ebook Secrets Of The Kama Sutra is now available online. To buy a copy all you have to do is click on the banner at the top of the page. For a trivial sum of money you could be enjoying some really exotic sex this very night. What’s different about this book compared with all the other books about the Kama Sutra? The fact is, most books about the Kama Sutra just aren’t accurate. Mine is. For example, you’ll find plenty of ‘Kama Sutra’ books describing postures known as the ‘pair of tongs’ and the ‘mare’s position’. But those aren’t positions at all but techniques a woman can use to increase excitement. My book explains those secrets and many others. The Kama Sutra is the oldest sex manual in the world to have survived in its entirety. If you want to know the truth about it, click on the banner.

Were Monique Roffey’s Tantric Workshops Really Tantra?

June 23, 2011 in Tantric Sex, Welcome to the Home of Happiness by Paul Jenner | No comments

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I’ve been reading reviews of With The Kisses Of His Mouth, novelist Monique Roffey’s account of her sexual adventures in the small ads, French nudist resorts, English sex clubs and…‘tantric workshops’. Good luck to her. But I put ‘tantric workshops’ in quotes because they don’t seem to have had very much to do with Tantra.

I do get a bit irritated when the Tantric tag is attached to things that really aren’t Tantric at all, whether by journalists or by those running courses. I don’t doubt that the workshops were invaluable and professional but why call them Tantra if they’re not?

Because Tantra was not founded by any single person and has never had any sort of ruling body to define its beliefs, so its teachings have varied from century to century, place to place, and guru to guru. But there are certain essentials and if you really want to practice ‘Tantric sex’ it’s important to understand what they are.

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Sex Is Better Than Alcohol

June 22, 2011 in Sex For Boomers, Welcome to the Home of Happiness by Paul Jenner | No comments

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So the Royal College of Psychiatrists has said that the over 65’s should limit themselves to 1.5 units of alcohol a day, and on the Today programme Emma Soames, Editor-at-Large for Saga Magazine, became almost apoplectic. Eating and drinking were the only pleasures some elderly people had left, she fumed.

I have to take issue with Emma on this. If you let food and alcohol become your only enjoyments then it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. You won’t be capable of doing anything else.

My friend J is 85 and still sailing, hiking, painting, writing and bonking. He remains muscular and not at all fat. If you’ve got age-related health problems eating and drinking too much can only make things worse. A paunch on a man is the enemy of sex. It causes excess production of the aromatase enzyme which converts testosterone (the ‘male hormone’) to oestrogen (the ‘female hormone’). Alcohol is high in calories, diminishes sexual response and, following years of abuse, can lead to erectile dysfunction in both men and women.

Make sex your number one pleasure. Alcohol hardly compares.

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