I can´t orgasm during intercourse

My problem is that I never come during intercourse. I always need a “hand job.”

Jenny. Essex.

Hi Jenny,

A lot of women don´t come from intercourse alone so you´re not unusual. The trick is to stop thinking of intercourse and “hand jobs” as completely different sexual activities. Just as a good meal has three different courses with lots of different ingredients so good sex also comprises lots of different kinds of stimulation. Your partner should be bringing you close to orgasm before penetration. Then the additional stimulation of intercourse will probably cause you to climax. If not, you can ratchet up the excitement in other ways – for example, you can  “talk dirty”, your partner can blow in your ears or suck your nipples, or either of you can stimulate your clitoris.

Practise on your own – in other words, masturbate – and you´ll probably find that, after a few weeks, you can have one orgasm before intercourse, from clitoral stimulation alone, and another during intercourse, from every kind of stimulation all together.

When you enjoy a meal it´s not usually down to just one ingredient and, similarly, enjoyable sex isn´t just related to one ingredient, either. So don´t go worrying about whether an orgasm is due to intercourse or a “hand job.” The important thing is that you can have orgasms – just enjoy them, whatever it is that causes them.